My palms are sweaty
I feel as if I am swimming
I’m drowning
Every thing’s all over
I can’t feel anything…
Damn him, he’s coming
Doesn’t he ever get it;
I hate him,
He is filth
Nothing
Never to be anything any where
Any how
Damn him!
My breath is deep within,
My eyes,
If I still have any,
Are fixed
My head’s swimming
I’m suffocating
Here he comes.
God; will he ever tire
I do not feel
Never will
Oh God!
She’s waiting,
Must I go to her
What am I to say
Oh how I wish I hadn’t
It’s all too much!
Look at him
He is standing there
Mouth gaping
Wild eyed
Filth!
My throat
It is tired; dry!
Painfully embarrassing!
God!
I rue the day I was born
Love!
Speak
You wasting my time
Damn him!
What am I to do now;
Must I be the one who speaks
“I… I love you”
“So what if you do!”
“I don’t know”
“Typical!”
“What made you come anyway”
“Love”
“ Love.”
“I despise that word
Especially if it is from
Somebody who’s a nobody like you.”
“Well I despise such words
From a women
We expect love and respect
Even if you do hate me
Respect me!
It’s not much to ask.”
“Look at you
You are hardly worth twenty cents
You stink, you don’t bath
Yet you profess love to me”
“At least I am being sincere
I hide not behind them fancy
Fancy clothes
Nor do I hide my eyes
You can see them
You see me for who I am.”
As if I care what he thinks,
Even if I did love him a little
How am I to present such
A thing to mother:
My father and his cattle!
You are considering
I know you are
You can’t hide such from me.
Look at him
He’s now a shrink.
Who gave him that much bravery
I wish he just fall down and die.
I am baffled
What am I to say.
She is looking at me.
Her eyes
They are too much
Beautiful
But full of hate
Hate mingled with fear
A spark of love
I hate myself
I am trying my best
Rather it be this way.
He’s somehow charming
No! Stop that you doing
Love or no love he’s charming
Lovable!
Love!
Yes my sweet heart
Did you not see it at first;
That your precious heart is mine
Mine to love to love cherish and to hold
Protect honor and nourish
Did you not see that it can overcome
That your minding
I am wining
No I am getting lovable
Oh the word.
I wish I wasn’t here.
Mother is going to kill me,
No, hang me by the toe.
This is filth
Lovable, irresistible, persistent, brave filth:
A man I could I could love.
“Yes I can see that
You love me but
You despise that which
I am
What difference does that make
Am I not a man!
Yes, is he not a man
Why should I care what my parents say:
To hell with friends
They…
“friends can’t give you what I can
If… dare not say
But love is better than that which money
Might offer
For it remedies wounds.
Money can only make life a bit bearable,
That is all it can do”
He is a man!
He is Gold and he is right.
A man like this is hard to find
I am Connered.
Such words I have never encountered.
Such character I have never seen.
A brave kind of filth,
Speaking right into my heart:
Not my clothing,
Not my body.
No
But to my heart, my fragile hopeless and pride but broken wreck of a heart.
Building it as he speaks
Feeling me without touch
He sees me
And I him.
I am confused.
She is out of her shell.
She better remember how to breath
I love her eyes
I hope the hope I see in her is mine.
Ours.
My heart,
It is pounding
I am sweaty
My heart is softening
My body is betraying me
I am sweating all over
What am I to do
I hate this man
Why must I love him
Why must he love me
He is filth
He is nothing
Look at him!
Boy am I in for a treat.
This is beautiful, lovely
I must have been in for this a long time ago;
She loves me!
Stupid man
Why can you not see the problems
You touched my heart
I love you, you filth
Now move my soul.
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